Self-Knowledge • Emotional Skills
On Keeping Going
A big reason we give up on projects is the perfectionist belief that it all has to be right on day one. That’s nonsense: we just have to keep faith, work one day at a time – and we’ll get there.
Full Article Index
- 01. On Feeling Manic
- 02. Ostracism Anxiety
- 03. The Need For A Modern Monastery
- 04. Why the World Can Seem So Frightening – and How to Make It Feel Less So
- 05. Four Ways of Coping With Anxiety
- 06. Might You Be Hypervigilant? A Sombre Questionnaire
- 07. A Question to Ask Ourselves When We're Feeling Low and Paranoid
- 08. The Importance of Not Knowing
- 09. Why We May Be Addicted to Crises
- 10. The Causes of Obsessive Thinking
- 11. What Our Bodies are Trying to Tell Us
- 12. Anxiety-as-Denial
- 13. Our Anxious Ancestry
- 14. Auditing Our Worries
- 15. Why We May Need a Convalescence
- 16. Don't Hope for the Best; Expect the Worst
- 17. The Age of Agitation
- 18. How to Sleep Better
- 19. How and Why We Catastrophise
- 20. On Being 'Triggered'
- 21. OCD — and How to Overcome It
- 22. How Mental Illness Impacts Our Bodies
- 23. Signs You Might Be Suffering from Complex PTSD
- 24. On Skin Picking
- 25. Stoicism and Tigers Who Come to Tea
- 26. The Seven Most Calming Works of Art in the World
- 27. After the Storm
- 28. Thoughts for the Storm
- 29. Emotional Maturity in a Crisis
- 30. Preparing for Disaster
- 31. How to Stop Being Scared All the Time
- 32. The Ultimate Dark Source of Security
- 33. What Everybody Really Wants
- 34. Simplicity & Anxiety
- 35. A Way Through Panic Attacks
- 36. Self-Hatred & Anxiety
- 37. The Question We Should Ask Ourselves When Anxious
- 38. On Anxiety
- 39. The True Cause of Dread and Anxiety
- 40. On Being Scared All the Time
- 41. The Importance of Having A Breakdown
- 42. On Asking for Help
- 43. The Normality of Anxiety Attacks
- 44. On Panic Attacks
- 01. Might I Be Feeling Lonely Rather Than Worried?
- 02. A Place for Despair
- 03. On Being Gaslit In Our Childhoods
- 04. How to Make It Through
- 05. When Our Battery is Running Low
- 06. The Many Moods We Pass Through
- 07. When I Am Called to Die
- 08. If You Stopped Running, What Would You Need to Feel?
- 09. Can We Live With the Truth?
- 10. Five Questions to Ask Yourself Every Evening
- 11. Why Things May Need to Get Worse Before They Can Get Better
- 12. The Limits of the Conscious Mind
- 13. Why Life is Always Difficult
- 14. What is a Transcendental Experience?
- 15. Building the Cathedral
- 16. Rewriting Our Inner Scripts
- 17. What Sleeping Babies Can Teach Us
- 18. How to Endure
- 19. Everything Is So Weird
- 20. Escaping Into History
- 21. The Inevitability of Choice
- 22. What Would Jesus Do?
- 23. Stop Worrying About Your Reputation
- 24. You Still Have Time
- 25. I Will Survive!
- 26. On Trying to Control the Future
- 27. A Few Things Still to Be Grateful For
- 28. No One Knows
- 29. There is No Happily Ever After
- 30. The Catastrophe You Fear Will Happen has Already Happened
- 31. There is Always a Plan B
- 32. The Consolations of History
- 33. The Lessons of Nature
- 34. What Others Think of You - and The Fall of Icarus
- 35. On the Sublime
- 36. Gratitude for the Small Things
- 37. Why ‘Earthrise’ Matters
- 38. On Flowers
- 39. The Valuable Idea Behind the Concept of the Day of Judgement
- 40. The Wisdom of Animals
- 41. The Lottery of Life
- 42. Untranslatable Words
- 43. The Wisdom of Rocks: Gongshi
- 44. Wu Wei – Doing Nothing 無爲
- 45. The Faulty Walnut
- 46. Perspectives on Insomnia
- 47. On the Wisdom of Space
- 48. Memento Mori
- 49. On the Wisdom of Cows
- 50. On Calming Places
- 51. Why Small Pleasures Are a Big Deal
- 52. The Consolations of a Bath
- 53. The Importance of Staring out the Window
- 54. Clouds, Trees, Streams
- 55. On Sunshine
- 01. The Wisdom of Liming
- 02. The Ecstatic Joy We Deny Ourselves
- 03. Why Illusions Are Necessary to Achieve Anything
- 04. Preparing for a Decent Night of Sleep
- 05. Returning Anger to Where It Belongs
- 06. Controlling Insomnia – and Life – Through Pessimism
- 07. How to Be Cool the Yoruba Way
- 08. Why We Should Refuse to Get into Arguments
- 09. The Perils of Making Predictions
- 10. Making Peace with Life's Mystery
- 11. The Promise of an Unblemished Life
- 12. Daring to Be Simple
- 13. Haikus and Appreciation
- 14. The Call of Calm
- 15. What Would Paradise Look Like?
- 16. How to Process Your Emotions
- 17. The Wisdom of Dusk
- 18. The Appeal of Austere Places
- 19. How to Go to Bed Earlier
- 20. Why We All Need Quiet Days
- 21. The Benefits of Provincial Life
- 22. How to Live in a Hut
- 23. For Those Who (Privately) Aspire to Become More Reclusive
- 24. The Hard Work of Being 'Lazy'
- 25. Expectations - and the 80/20 Rule
- 26. Taking It One Day at a Time
- 27. Spirituality for People who Hate Spirituality
- 28. How to Spill A Drink Down One’s Front - and Survive
- 29. How To Stop Worrying Whether or Not They Like You
- 30. On Soothing
- 31. What Is Wrong with Modern Times - and How to Regain Wisdom
- 32. The Disaster of Anthropocentrism - and the Promise of the Transcendent
- 33. On Needing to Find Something to Worry About — Why We Always Worry for No Reason
- 34. How We Are Easily, Too Easily, 'Triggered'
- 35. Hypervigilance
- 36. If The Worst Came to the Worst...
- 37. The Wonders of an Ordinary Life
- 38. In Praise of the Quiet Life
- 39. The Pursuit of Calm
- 40. Insomnia and Philosophy
- 01. Reasons Not to Give Up
- 02. What Goes With What
- 03. Eight Rules to Create Nicer Cities
- 04. The Secret Toll of Our Ugly World
- 05. Henri Rousseau
- 06. Albrecht Dürer and his Pillows
- 07. On the Consolations of Home | Georg Friedrich Kersting
- 08. Francisco Goya's Masterpiece
- 09. How Industry Restores Our Faith in Humanity
- 10. Rembrandt as a Guide to Kindness
- 11. Buildings That Give Hope - and Buildings That Condemn Us
- 12. Katsushika Hokusai
- 13. Agnes Martin
- 14. The Importance of Architecture
- 15. The Secret of Beauty: Order and Complexity
- 16. Le Corbusier
- 17. Two World Views: Romantic and Classical
- 18. Oscar Niemeyer
- 19. Against Obscurity
- 20. Why Do Scandinavians Have Such Impeccable Taste in Interior Design?
- 21. Art for Art's Sake
- 22. Why We Need to Create a Home
- 23. Why You Should Never Say: ‘Beauty Lies in the Eye of the Beholder’
- 24. Andrea Palladio
- 25. Why Design Matters
- 26. On Good and Bad Taste
- 27. On How to Make an Attractive City
- 28. Art as Therapy
- 29. On Ugliness and the Housing Crisis
- 30. Johannes Vermeer
- 31. Caspar David Friedrich
- 32. Henri Matisse
- 33. Edward Hopper
- 34. Louis Kahn
- 35. Coco Chanel
- 36. Jane Jacobs
- 37. Cy Twombly
- 38. Andy Warhol
- 39. Dieter Rams
- 40. A Therapeutic Approach to Art
- 41. Christo and Jeanne-Claude
- 42. On the Importance of Drawing
- 43. On Art as a Reminder
- 44. On the Price of Art Works
- 45. Secular Chapels
- 46. Relativism and Urban Planning
- 47. What Art Museums Should Be For
- 48. On Fakes and Originals
- 49. The Museum Gift Shop
- 01. What We Might Learn From The Dandies of The Congo
- 02. The Beauty of Komorebi
- 03. The Past Was Not in Black and White
- 04. The Drawer of Odd Things
- 05. Why Middle-Aged Men Think So Often About the Roman Empire
- 06. The Consolations of Catastrophe
- 07. What is the Point of History?
- 08. What Rothko's Art Teaches Us About Suffering
- 09. The Value of Reading Things We Disagree with
- 10. Easter for Atheists
- 11. The Life House
- 12. Why Philosophy Should Become More Like Pop Music
- 13. Why Stoicism Continues to Matter
- 14. The School of Life: What We Believe
- 15. Cultural Mining
- 16. Lego – the Movies
- 17. Philosophy – the Movies
- 18. History of Ideas – the Movies
- 19. Sociology – the Movies
- 20. Political Theory – the Movies
- 21. Psychotherapy – the Movies
- 22. Greek Philosophy – the Movies
- 23. Eastern Philosophy – the Movies
- 24. Art – the Movies
- 25. On Aphorisms
- 26. What Comes After Religion?
- 27. The Serious Business of Clothes
- 28. What Is the Point of the Humanities?
- 29. Why Music Works
- 30. The Importance of Music
- 31. The Importance of Books
- 32. What Is Comedy For?
- 33. What Is Philosophy For?
- 34. What Is Art For?
- 35. What Is History For?
- 36. What Is Psychotherapy For?
- 37. What Is Literature For?
- 38. The Joys of Sport
- 01. Following in the Buddha's Footsteps
- 02. Six Persimmons
- 03. The Four Hindu Stages of Life
- 04. Rice or Wheat? The Difference Between Eastern and Western Cultures
- 05. Eastern vs Western Views of Happiness
- 06. Four Great Ideas from Hinduism
- 07. Zen Buddhism and Fireflies
- 08. Six Ideas from Eastern Philosophy
- 09. Wu Wei – Doing Nothing 無爲
- 10. Kintsugi 金継ぎ
- 11. Buddha
- 12. Lao Tzu
- 13. Confucius
- 14. Sen no Rikyū
- 15. Matsuo Basho
- 16. Mono No Aware
- 17. Guan Yin
- 18. Gongshi
- 19. Wu Wei
- 20. Kintsugi
- 21. Yinshi
- 22. Why so Many Love the Philosophy of the East - and so Few That of the West
- 01. Charles Dickens's Secret
- 02. Giuseppe di Lampedusa — The Leopard
- 03. Sei Shōnagon — The Pillow Book
- 04. Kakuzo Okakura — The Book of Tea
- 05. Victor Hugo and the Art of Contempt
- 06. Edward Gibbon — The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
- 07. How to Read Fewer Books
- 08. The Downfall of Oscar Wilde
- 09. What Voltaire Meant by 'One Must Cultivate One's Own Garden'
- 10. James Baldwin
- 11. Camus and The Plague
- 12. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
- 13. Charles Dickens
- 14. Gustave Flaubert
- 15. Fyodor Dostoevsky
- 16. Marcel Proust
- 17. Books as Therapy
- 18. Jane Austen
- 19. Leo Tolstoy
- 20. Virginia Woolf
- 21. James Joyce
- 01. What Should A Good Therapist Do For Us?
- 02. The Usefulness Of Speaking Your Feelings To An Empty Chair
- 03. What's the Bit of Therapy That Heals You?
- 04. Why We Need Therapy When We Give Up on Religion
- 05. How Psychotherapy Might Truly Help Us
- 06. Why You Should Take a Sentence Completion Test
- 07. Carl Jung's Word Association Test
- 08. Freud's Porcupine
- 09. How Mental Illness Impacts Our Bodies
- 10. How the Modern World Makes Us Mentally Ill
- 11. Twenty Key Concepts from Psychotherapy
- 12. Why Psychotherapy Works
- 13. The True and the False Self
- 14. What Happens in Psychotherapy? Four Case Studies
- 15. The Problem of Psychological Asymmetry
- 16. Freud on Sublimation
- 17. Sigmund Freud
- 18. Anna Freud
- 19. Melanie Klein
- 20. Donald Winnicott
- 21. John Bowlby
- 22. A Short Dictionary of Psychoanalysis
- 23. Jacques Lacan
- 01. The Pleasures of the Underground
- 02. Why Small Pleasures Become a Bigger, Not a Smaller Deal, the More We Suffer and Age
- 03. You Are Living in the Greatest Museum in the World
- 04. When Something is Beautiful...
- 05. Albrecht Dürer and his Pillows
- 06. How Giraffes Can Teach Us to Wonder
- 07. Sun Worship
- 08. The Importance of Dancing Like an Idiot
- 09. Walking in the Woods
- 10. Getting More Serious about Pleasure
- 11. On Going to the Zoo
- 12. The Fish Shop
- 13. On Small Islands
- 14. On Stars
- 15. On Grandmothers
- 16. Up at Dawn
- 17. On Crimes in the Newspapers
- 18. Driving on the Motorway at Night
- 19. On Sunday Mornings
- 20. A Favourite Old Jumper
- 21. Holding Hands with a Small Child
- 22. Feeling at Home in the Sea
- 23. The Book That Understands You
- 24. Old Photos of One’s Parents
- 25. Whispering in Bed in the Dark
- 26. On Feeling That Someone Else is So Wrong
- 27. The First Day of Feeling Well Again
- 28. Figs
- 01. The Wisdom of Liming
- 02. Three Essays on Flight
- 03. The Wisdom of Islamic Gardens
- 04. A World Without Air Travel
- 05. Walking in the Woods
- 06. Why We Argue in Paradise
- 07. The Advantages of Staying at Home
- 08. The Wisdom of Nature
- 09. The Holidays When You're Feeling Mentally Unwell
- 10. The Shortest Journey: On Going for a Walk around the Block
- 11. How to Spend a Few Days in Paris
- 12. Why Germans Can Say Things No One Else Can
- 13. Travel as Therapy - an Introduction
- 14. Lunch, 30,000 Feet – for Comfort
- 15. The Western Desert, Australia – for Humility
- 16. Glenpark Road, Birmingham - for Boredom
- 17. Comuna 13, San Javier, Medellin, Colombia - for Dissatisfaction
- 18. Pumping Station, Isla Mayor, Seville - for Snobbery
- 19. Eastown Theatre, Detroit - for Perspective
- 20. Capri Hotel, Changi Airport, Singapore - for Thinking
- 21. Cafe de Zaak, Utrecht - for Sex Education
- 22. Corner shop, Kanagawaken, Yokohama - for Shyness
- 23. Monument Valley, USA - for Calm
- 24. Heathrow Airport, London – for Awe
- 25. Pefkos Beach, Rhodes - for Anxiety
- 01. On Flying Too Close to the Sun - And Not Flying Close Enough
- 02. Kierkegaard on Love
- 03. Aristotle
- 04. Baruch Spinoza
- 05. Arthur Schopenhauer
- 06. Blaise Pascal
- 07. Six Ideas from Western Philosophy
- 08. Introduction to The Curriculum
- 09. Plato
- 10. The Stoics
- 11. Epicurus
- 12. Augustine
- 13. Boethius and The Consolation of Philosophy
- 14. Thomas Aquinas
- 15. Michel de Montaigne
- 16. La Rochefoucauld
- 17. Voltaire
- 18. David Hume
- 19. Immanuel Kant
- 20. Hegel
- 21. Hegel Knew There Would Be Days Like These
- 22. Ralph Waldo Emerson
- 23. Nietzsche
- 24. Nietzsche, Regret and Amor Fati
- 25. Nietzsche and Envy
- 26. Martin Heidegger
- 27. Ludwig Wittgenstein
- 28. Jean-Paul Sartre
- 29. Albert Camus
- 30. Michel Foucault
- 31. Jacques Derrida
- 32. E. M. Cioran
- 01. What to Say in Response to an Affair
- 02. How To Handle the Desire for Affairs?
- 03. What Does It Take To Be Good at Affairs?
- 04. What Ideally Happens When An Affair is Discovered?
- 05. When Does An Affair Begin?
- 06. A Brief History of Affairs
- 07. How to Reduce the Risk of Affairs
- 08. The Role of Sex in Affairs
- 09. How To Spot A Couple That Might Be Headed For An Affair
- 10. How Can An Affair Help A Marriage?
- 11. The Pleasures of Affairs
- 12. The Pains of Affairs
- 13. The Meaning of Infidelity
- 14. Loyalty and Adultery
- 15. Why People Have Affairs: Distance and Closeness
- 01. Good Endings in Love
- 02. Those of Us Who Don’t Expect Kindness in Love
- 03. Who Actually Ends a Relationship?
- 04. The Pains of Heartbreak
- 05. Those Who Cannot Feel Love Until It Is Over
- 06. The Heroism of Leaving a Relationship
- 07. Exquisite Agony in Love
- 08. Why It Should Not Have to Last Forever...
- 09. When Does a Divorce Begin?
- 10. Rethinking Divorce
- 11. Three Questions to Help You Decide Whether to Stay in or Leave a Relationship
- 12. Stop Repeating the Same Mistakes
- 13. There's Nothing Wrong with Being on Your Own
- 14. The Wrong Idea of a Baddie
- 15. Finding Closure After a Breakup
- 16. Should Sex Ever Be a Reason to Break Up?
- 17. When a Relationship Fails, Who Rejected Whom?
- 18. The Fear of Not Being Able to Cope Practically Without a Partner
- 19. The Fear of Ending a Relationship
- 20. What About the Children When Divorce is on the Cards?
- 21. What If I Just Repeat the Same Mistakes Next Time?
- 22. Are My Expectations Too High?
- 23. Overcoming Nostalgia for a Past Relationship
- 24. The Feeling of Being Back in Love with the Person You're About to Leave
- 25. The Capacity to Give up on People
- 26. For Those Stuck in a Relationship
- 27. 10 Ideas for People Afraid to Exit a Relationship
- 28. People Who Want to Own Us - but Not Nourish Us
- 29. The Hardest Person in the World to Break up With
- 30. A Non-Tragic View of Breaking Up
- 31. A Guide to Breaking Up
- 32. How to Reject Someone Kindly
- 33. When Someone We Love Has Died
- 34. Why Did They Leave Us?
- 35. How to Break Up
- 36. How We Can Have Our Hearts Broken Even Though No One Has Left Us
- 37. The Psychology of Our Exes
- 38. 'Unfair Dismissal' in Love
- 39. How Not to Be Tortured By a Love Rival
- 40. Coping with Betrayal
- 41. Can Exes be Friends?
- 42. How to Get Over Someone
- 43. Why True Love Doesn’t Have to Last Forever
- 44. How to Get Over a Rejection
- 45. How to End a Relationship
- 46. Stay or Leave?
- 47. How to Get Divorced
- 48. On Forgetting Lovers
- 49. How Not to Break Up with Someone
- 01. The Sorrows of Anxiously Attached People
- 02. Five Ways to Handle an Avoidant Partner
- 03. How to Find Out What Might Happen With a New Partner
- 04. A Dark Way to Predict What Might Happen in Your Relationship
- 05. Why Some Of Us Are So Bad At Spotting Red Flags
- 06. The Appeal of Rescuing Other People
- 07. Daring to Love
- 08. People Pleasers in Relationships
- 09. People Not to Fall in Love With
- 10. Picking Partners Who Won't Understand Us
- 11. How Do Emotionally Healthy People Behave In Relationships?
- 12. The Avoidant Partner With The Power To Drive You Mad
- 13. On Picking a Socially Unsuitable Partner
- 14. How to Sustain Love: A Tool
- 15. Questions To Ask About Someone We Are Thinking Of Committing To
- 16. Our Two Great Fears in Love
- 17. The Pains of Preoccupied Attachment
- 18. Are You Afraid of Intimacy?
- 19. Why You Will Never Quite Get it Right in Love
- 20. Understanding Attachment Theory
- 21. Why We 'Split' Our Partners
- 22. Why We Love People Who Don't Love Us Back
- 23. Should I Be With Them?
- 24. The Seven Rules of Successful Relationships
- 25. Why We Must Explain Our Own Needs
- 26. How Good Are You at Communication in Love? Questionnaire
- 27. Why Some Couples Last — and Some Don't
- 28. The Difference Between Fragile and Strong Couples
- 29. What Relationships Should Really Be About
- 30. The Real Reason Why Couples Break Up
- 31. 6 Reasons We Choose Badly in Love
- 32. Can People Change?
- 33. Konrad Lorenz & Why You Choose the Partners You Choose
- 34. The Stranger You Live With
- 35. The Attachment Style Questionnaire
- 36. Why Anxious and Avoidant Partners Find It Hard to Leave One Another
- 37. The Challenges of Anxious-Avoidant Relationships — Can Couples With Different Attachment Styles Work?
- 38. On Rescue Fantasies
- 39. How to Cope with an Avoidant Partner
- 40. What Is Your Attachment Style?
- 41. 'I Will Never Find the Right Partner'
- 42. Too Close or Too Distant: How We Stand in Relationships
- 43. How Are You Difficult to Live with?
- 44. Why We're Compelled to Love Difficult People
- 45. Why Your Lover is Very Damaged - and Annoying
- 46. Why Tiny Things about Our Partners Drive Us Mad
- 47. How to Love Ugly People
- 48. Why Polyamory Probably Won’t Work for You
- 49. Why We Go Cold on Our Partners
- 50. An Instruction Manual to Oneself
- 51. The Terrors of Being Loved
- 52. The Partner as Child Theory
- 53. On the Fear of Intimacy
- 54. Meet the Parents
- 55. On Finding the 'Right' Person
- 56. If You Loved Me, You Wouldn't Want to Change Me
- 57. The Problems of Closeness
- 01. There Are No Small Issues in Love
- 02. When One Partner Feels Controlled; And the Other Feels Abandoned
- 03. What We Can Always Do to Improve Our Relationships
- 04. How to Break Logjams in a Relationship
- 05. The Miseries of Push-Pull Relationships
- 06. A Way To Break Logjams In A Couple
- 07. When Your Partner Loves You – but Does Their Best to Drive You Away...
- 08. A Rule to Help Your Relationship
- 09. Secret Grudges We May Have Against the Other Gender
- 10. The Demand for Perfection in Love
- 11. On Being Upset Without Knowing It
- 12. Who is Afraid of Intimacy?
- 13. Why Good Manners Matter in Relationships
- 14. A Role for Lies
- 15. The Secret Lives of Other Couples
- 16. On Saying 'I Hate You' to Someone You Love
- 17. When Love Isn't Easy
- 18. Two Questions to Repair a Relationship
- 19. Three Steps to Resolving Conflicts in Relationships
- 20. Stop Avoiding Conflict
- 21. An Alternative to Passive Aggression
- 22. Why We Must Soften What We Say to Our Partners
- 23. How to Be Less Defensive in Love
- 24. On Gaslighting
- 25. Why We Play Games in Love
- 26. On 'Rupture' and 'Repair'
- 27. Why it's OK to Want a Partner to Change
- 28. On Arguing More Nakedly
- 29. Do You Still Love Me?
- 30. Why We Need to Feel Heard
- 31. Five Questions to Ask of Bad Behaviour
- 32. The Art of Complaining
- 33. The Challenges of Communication
- 34. How To Have Fewer Bitter Arguments in Love
- 35. The Arguments We Have From Guilt
- 36. Attention-Seeking Arguments
- 37. When Our Partners Are Being Excessively Logical
- 38. When We Tell Our Partners That We Are Normal and They Are Strange
- 39. When Your Partner Tries to Stop You Growing
- 40. When Your Partner Starts Crying Hysterically During an Argument
- 41. Why We Sometimes Set Out to Shatter Our Lover's Good Mood
- 42. Why People Get Defensive in Relationships
- 43. A History of Arguments
- 44. The Fights When There Is No Sex
- 45. What We Might Learn in Couples Therapy
- 46. On the Tendency to Love and Hate Excessively
- 47. An Alternative to Being Controlling
- 48. Why We Should Not Silently Suffer From A Lack of Touch in Love
- 49. Why Anger Has a Place in Love
- 50. The Importance of Relationship Counselling
- 51. How to Argue in Relationships
- 52. Why We (Sometimes) Hope the People We Love Might Die
- 53. Be the Change You Want To See
- 54. I Wish I Was Still Single
- 55. Love and Sulking
- 56. On Being Unintentionally Hurt
- 57. The Secret Problems of Other Couples
- 58. On the Dangers of Being Too Defensive
- 59. On How to Defuse an Argument
- 60. How to Save Love with Pessimism
- 61. How 'Transference' Makes You Hard to Live With
- 62. Why You Resent Your Partner
- 63. Why It Is Always Your Partner's Fault
- 64. If It Wasn't for You...
- 65. Why You Are So Annoyed By What You Once Admired
- 66. Why You’re (Probably) Not a Great Communicator
- 01. The Need for Honesty on Early Dates
- 02. Why Dating Apps Won't Help You Find Love
- 03. Being Honest on a Date
- 04. Why Haven't They Called - and the Rorschach Test
- 05. Dating When You've Had a Bad Childhood
- 06. Varieties of Madness Commonly Met with On Dates
- 07. How to Seduce with Confidence
- 08. A Brief History of Dating
- 09. How to Prove Attractive to Someone on a Date
- 10. Existentialism and Dating
- 11. What to Talk About on a Date
- 12. What to Eat and Drink on a Date
- 13. How to Seduce Someone on a Date
- 14. How Not to Think on a Date
- 01. A Crucial Sign That Someone Is Worth Going Out With
- 02. On Not Being Very Good at Love
- 03. Our Longing to Avoid Love
- 04. The 9 Most Common Mistakes We Make When Choosing a Partner
- 05. Getting Better at Picking Lovers
- 06. How We May Be Creating The Lovers We Fear
- 07. What If the People We Could Love Are Here Already; We Just Can't See Them?
- 08. The Lengths We Go to Avoid Love
- 09. Our Secret Wish Never to Find Love
- 10. Why We All End up Marrying Our Parents
- 11. True Love Begins With Self-Love
- 12. The Importance of Being Single
- 13. Why We Keep Choosing Bad Partners
- 14. Celebrity Crushes
- 15. Romantic Masochism
- 16. What Do You Love Me For?
- 17. If Love Never Came
- 18. On the Madness and Charm of Crushes
- 19. Why Only the Happy Single Find True Love
- 20. Should We Play It Cool When We Like Someone?
- 21. In Praise of Unrequited Love
- 22. Two Reasons Why You Might Still Be Single
- 23. How We Choose a Partner
- 24. Why Flirting Matters
- 25. Why, Once You Understand Love, You Could Love Anyone
- 26. Mate Selection
- 27. Reasons to Remain Single
- 28. How to Enjoy a New Relationship
- 01. Alternatives to Romantic Monogamy
- 02. Twenty Ideas on Marriage
- 03. For Moments of Marital Crisis
- 04. What to Do on Your Wedding Night
- 05. Who Should You Invite to Your Wedding?
- 06. Pragmatic Reasons for Getting Married
- 07. The Standard Marriage and Its Seven Alternatives
- 08. Utopian Marriage
- 09. When Is One Ready to Get Married?
- 10. On the Continuing Relevance of Marriage
- 11. On Marrying the Wrong Person — 9 Reasons We Will Regret Getting Married
- 01. The Pleasures of Talking Nonsense With Someone We Love
- 02. What Are We Lying To Our Lovers About?
- 03. Those Who Have to Wait for a War to Say ‘I Love You’
- 04. What Celebrity Stalkers Can Teach Us About Love
- 05. The Achievement of Missing Someone
- 06. How Love Can Teach Us Who We Are
- 07. Beyond the Need for Melodrama in Love
- 08. True Love is Boring
- 09. How to Make Love Last Forever
- 10. How to Be Vulnerable
- 11. Why You Can't Read Your Partner's Mind
- 12. What Teddy Bears Teach Us About Love
- 13. What Role Do You Play in Your Relationship?
- 14. Why We Should Be 'Babyish' in Love
- 15. The Maturity of Regression
- 16. The Benefits of Insecurity in Love
- 17. Taking the Pressure off Love
- 18. A Pledge for Lovers
- 19. A Projection Exercise for Couples
- 20. A New Ritual: The Morning and Evening Kiss
- 21. Can Our Phones Solve Our Love Lives?
- 22. If We're All Bad at Love, Shouldn't We Change Our Definition of Normality?
- 23. Other People's Relationships
- 24. How to Cope with an Avoidant Partner
- 25. The Pleasure of Reading Together in Bed
- 26. 22 Questions to Reignite Love
- 27. The Wisdom of Romantic Compromise
- 28. How to Complain
- 29. How We Need to Keep Growing Up
- 30. Teaching and Love
- 31. Love and Self-Love
- 32. Humour in Love
- 33. The Advantages of Long-Distance Love
- 34. In Praise of Hugs
- 35. Why Affectionate Teasing is Kind and Necessary
- 36. The Couple Courtroom Game
- 37. Getting over a Row
- 38. Keeping Secrets in Relationships
- 39. A Lover's Guide to Sulking
- 40. Artificial Conversations
- 41. On the Role of Stories in Love
- 42. On the Hardest Job in the World
- 43. On the Beloved's Wrist
- 01. How Even Very ‘Nice’ Parents Can Mess Up Their Children
- 02. The Parents We Would Love To Have Had: An Exercise
- 03. Fatherless Boys
- 04. How to Raise a Successful Person
- 05. The Problems of Miniature Adults
- 06. Mothers and Daughters
- 07. The Importance of Swords and Guns for Children
- 08. When Parents Won't Let Their Children Grow Up
- 09. The Fragile Parent
- 10. Parenting and People-Pleasing
- 11. Three Kinds of Parental Love
- 12. A Portrait of Tenderness
- 13. What Makes a Good Parent? A Checklist
- 14. On the Curiosity of Children
- 15. How to Lend a Child Confidence
- 16. The Importance of Play
- 17. Why Children Need an Emotional Education
- 18. Coping with One's Parents
- 19. Are Children for Me?
- 20. How Parents Might Let Their Children Know of Their Issues
- 21. How We Crave to Be Soothed
- 22. Escaping the Shadow of a Parent
- 23. On Being Angry with a Parent
- 24. What You Might Want to Tell Your Child About Homework
- 25. On Apologising to Your Child
- 26. Teaching Children about Relationships
- 27. How Should a Parent Love their Child?
- 28. When people pleasers become parents - and need to say 'no'
- 29. On the Sweetness of Children
- 30. Listening to Children
- 31. Whether or not to have Children
- 32. The Children of Snobs
- 33. Why Good Parents Have Naughty Children
- 34. The Joys and Sorrows of Parenting
- 35. The Significance of Parenthood
- 36. Why Family Matters
- 37. Parenting and Working
- 38. On Children's Art
- 39. What Babies Can Teach Us
- 40. Why – When It Comes to Children – Love May Not Be Enough
- 01. What We Really, Really Want in Love
- 02. Falling in Love with a Stranger
- 03. Why We Need 'Ubuntu'
- 04. The Buddhist View of Love
- 05. What True Love Looks Like
- 06. How the Wrong Images of Love Can Ruin Our Lives
- 07. Kierkegaard on Love
- 08. Why Do I Feel So Lonely?
- 09. Pygmalion and your Love life
- 10. How to Love
- 11. What is Love?
- 12. On Romanticism
- 13. A Short History of Love
- 14. The Definition of Love
- 15. Why We Need the Ancient Greek Vocabulary of Love
- 16. The Cure for Love
- 17. On Seduction
- 18. Why We Need to Speak of Love in Public
- 19. How Romanticism Ruined Love
- 20. Our Most Romantic Moments
- 21. Loving and Being Loved
- 22. Romantic Realism
- 23. On Being Romantic or Classical
- 01. On Castration Anxiety
- 02. The Difficulties of Impotence
- 03. What is Sexual Perversion?
- 04. Our Unconscious Fear of Successful Sex
- 05. The Logic of Our Fantasies
- 06. Rethinking Gender
- 07. The Ongoing Complexities of Our Intimate Lives
- 08. On Post-Coital Melancholy
- 09. Desire and Intimacy
- 10. What Makes a Person Attractive?
- 11. How to Talk About Your Sexual Fantasy
- 12. The Problem of Sexual Shame
- 13. Who Initiates Sex: and Why It Matters So Much
- 14. On Still Being a Virgin
- 15. Love and Sex
- 16. Impotence and Respect
- 17. Sexual Non-Liberation
- 18. The Excitement of Kissing
- 19. The Appeal of Outdoor Sex
- 20. The Sexual Fantasies of Others
- 21. On Art and Masturbation
- 22. The Psychology of Cross-Dressing
- 23. The Fear of Being Bad in Bed
- 24. The Sex-Starved Relationship
- 25. How to Start Having Sex Again
- 26. Sexual Liberation
- 27. The Poignancy of Old Pornography
- 28. On Porn Addiction
- 29. A Brief Philosophy of Oral Sex
- 30. Why We Go Off Sex
- 31. On Being a Sleazebag
- 32. A Brief Theory of Sexual Excitement
- 01. Why We Sometimes Need to Be Tied to a Mast
- 02. Four Explanations for Self-Sabotage
- 03. Work Outs For Our Minds
- 04. Interviewing Our Bodies
- 05. The Top Dog - Under Dog Exercise
- 06. A Guide For The Recovering Avoidant
- 07. Where Are Humanity’s Problems Really Located?
- 08. On Feeling Obliged
- 09. Why We Struggle With Self-Discipline
- 10. Why We Should Practice Automatic Writing
- 11. Why We Behave As We Do
- 12. Mechanisms of Defence
- 13. On Always Finding Fault with Others
- 14. The Hidden Logic of Illogical Behaviour
- 15. How to Weaken the Hold of Addiction
- 16. Charles Darwin and The Descent of Man
- 17. Why We Are All Addicts
- 18. Straightforward vs. Complicated People
- 19. Reasons to Give Up on Perfection
- 20. The Need for a Cry
- 21. On Confinement
- 22. The Importance of Singing Badly
- 23. You Don't Need Permission
- 24. On Feeling Stuck
- 25. Am I Paranoid?
- 26. Learning to Be More Selfish
- 27. Learning How to Be Angry
- 28. Why We're All Liars
- 29. Are You a Masochist?
- 30. How Badly Adapted We Are to Life on Earth
- 31. How We Prefer to Act Rather Than Think
- 32. How to Live More Wisely Around Our Phones
- 33. On Dreaming
- 34. The Need to be Alone
- 35. On the Remarkable Need to Speak
- 36. Thinking Too Much; and Thinking Too Little
- 37. On Nagging
- 38. The Prevention of Suicide
- 39. On Getting an Early Night
- 40. Why We Eat Too Much
- 41. On Taking Drugs
- 42. On Perfectionism
- 43. On Procrastination
- 01. Why We Overreact
- 02. Giving Up on People Pleasing
- 03. The Benefits of Forgetfulness
- 04. How to Take Criticism
- 05. A More Spontaneous Life
- 06. On Self-Assertion
- 07. The Benefit of Analogies
- 08. Why We Need Moments of Mad Thinking
- 09. The Task of Turning Vague Thoughts into More Precise Ones
- 10. How to Catch Your Own Thoughts
- 11. Why Our Best Thoughts Come To Us in the Shower
- 12. Calm
- 13. Confidence
- 14. Why We Should Try to Become Better Narcissists
- 15. Why We Require Poor Memories To Survive
- 16. The Importance of Confession
- 17. How Emotionally Healthy Are You?
- 18. What Is An Emotionally Healthy Childhood?
- 19. Unprocessed Emotion
- 20. How to Be a Genius
- 21. On Resilience
- 22. How to Decide
- 23. Why It Should Be Glamorous to Change Your Mind
- 24. How to Make More of Our Memories
- 25. What’s Wrong with Needy People
- 26. Emotional Education: An Introduction
- 27. Philosophical Meditation
- 28. Honesty
- 29. Self-Love
- 30. Emotional Scepticism
- 31. Politeness
- 32. Charity
- 33. Charm
- 34. Love-as-Generosity
- 35. Comforting
- 36. Emotional Translation
- 37. Humour
- 38. On Pessimism
- 39. The Problem with Cynicism
- 40. On Keeping Going
- 41. Closeness
- 42. On Higher Consciousness
- 43. On Exercising the Mind
- 44. Authentic Work
- 45. The Sorrows of Work
- 46. Cultural Consolation
- 47. Appreciation
- 48. Cheerful Despair
- 01. Why We Can so Quickly End up Feeling Hated
- 02. Naturally You Don't Trust Anyone!
- 03. What Is It Like to Be Mentally Unwell?
- 04. How 'Mad' People Make a Lot of Sense
- 05. Why We Keep Repeating Patterns of Unhappiness
- 06. Your Self-Esteem is a Record of Your History
- 07. Why Some People Love Extreme Sports
- 08. The Overlooked Pains of Very, Very Tidy People
- 09. On Feeling Guilty for No Reason
- 10. The Fear of Being Touched
- 11. Why Most of Us Feel Like Losers
- 12. One of the More Beautiful Paintings in the World...
- 13. The Origins of a Sense of Persecution
- 14. How to Overcome Psychological Barriers
- 15. The Sinner Inside All of Us
- 16. How to Be Less Defensive
- 17. Are You a Sadist or a Masochist?
- 18. You Might Be Mad
- 19. Fears Are Not Facts
- 20. Why It's Good to Be a Narcissist
- 21. Am I a Bad Person?
- 22. Why Some of Us Are So Thin-Skinned
- 23. The Five Features of Paranoia
- 24. Why So Many of Us Are Masochists
- 25. In Praise of Self-Doubt
- 26. Why We Get Locked Inside Stories — and How to Break Free
- 27. Why Grandiosity is a Symptom of Self-Hatred
- 28. The Origins of Imposter Syndrome
- 29. The Upsides of Being Ill
- 30. The Roots of Paranoia
- 31. Loneliness as a Sign of Depth
- 32. How Social Media Affects Our Self-Worth
- 33. How to Be Beautiful
- 34. Trying to Be Kinder to Ourselves
- 35. The Role of Love in Mental Health
- 36. Trauma and Fearfulness
- 37. On Despair and the Imagination
- 38. On Being Able to Defend Oneself
- 39. The Fear of Death
- 40. I Am Not My Body
- 41. The Problems of Being Very Beautiful
- 42. 6 Reasons Not to Worry What the Neighbours Think
- 43. Am I Fat? An Answer from History
- 44. The Problem of Shame
- 45. On Feeling Ugly
- 46. The Particular Beauty of Unhappy-Looking People
- 47. How Not to Become a Conspiracy Theorist
- 48. The Terror of a ‘No’
- 49. On Being Hated
- 50. The Origins of Everyday Nastiness
- 51. The Weakness of Strength Theory
- 52. On Self-Sabotage
- 53. FOMO: Fear Of Missing Out
- 54. On a Sense of Sinfulness
- 01. An Interesting Life Rather Than a Happy One
- 02. We All Need Our North Pole
- 03. We Need to Change the Movie We Are In
- 04. Maybe You Are, in Your Own Way, a Little Bit Marvellous
- 05. Why We Deny Ourselves the Chance of Happiness
- 06. How to Live More Consciously
- 07. Our Secret Longing to Be Good
- 08. Why Everyone Needs to Feel 'Lost' for a While
- 09. On the Consolations of Home | Georg Friedrich Kersting
- 10. On Feeling Rather Than Thinking
- 11. How to Be Interesting
- 12. Am I Too Clever?
- 13. A More Self-Accepting Life
- 14. 'Let Him Who Is Without Sin Cast the First Stone'
- 15. The Roots of Loneliness
- 16. Small Acts of Liberation
- 17. Overcoming the Need to Be Exceptional
- 18. The Fear of Happiness
- 19. The Truth May Already Be Inside Us
- 20. What Is the Meaning of Life?
- 21. The Desire to Write
- 22. Are Intelligent People More Lonely?
- 23. A Better Word than Happiness: Eudaimonia
- 24. The Meaning of Life
- 25. Our Secret Fantasies
- 26. Why We’re Fated to Be Lonely (But That’s OK)
- 27. Good Enough is Good Enough
- 28. An Updated Ten Commandments
- 29. A Self-Compassion Exercise
- 30. How to Become a Better Person
- 31. On Resolutions
- 32. On Final Things
- 01. How to 'Grow'
- 02. The Life-Saving Nature of Poor Memories
- 03. The Stages of Development - And What If We Miss Out on One…
- 04. Who Might I Have Been If…
- 05. Yes, Maybe They Are Just Envious…
- 06. We Are All Lonely - Now Can We Be Friends?
- 07. How to Make It Through
- 08. 12 Signs That You Are Mature in the Eyes of Psychotherapy
- 09. The Breast and the Mouth
- 10. A Test to Measure How Nice You Are
- 11. What Hypochondriacs Aren't Able to Tell You
- 12. The Origins of Sanity
- 13. The Always Unfinished Business of Self-Knowledge
- 14. Learning to Laugh at Ourselves
- 15. A Simple Question to Set You Free
- 16. Locating the Trouble
- 17. Who Knows More, the Young or the Old?
- 18. Beyond Sanctimony
- 19. The Ingredients of Emotional Maturity
- 20. When Illness is Preferable to Health
- 21. What Should My Life Have Been Like?
- 22. Why We Need to Go Back to Emotional School
- 23. The Point of Writing Letters We Never Send
- 24. Self-Forgiveness
- 25. Why We Must Have Done Bad to Be Good
- 26. Finding the Courage to Be Ourselves
- 27. What Regret Can Teach Us
- 28. The Importance of Adolescence
- 29. How to Love Difficult People
- 30. On Falling Mentally Ill
- 31. Splitting Humanity into Saints and Sinners
- 32. Becoming Free
- 33. Learning to Listen to the Adult Inside Us
- 34. The Ultimate Test of Emotional Maturity
- 35. Can People Change?
- 36. When Home is Not Home...
- 37. Learning to Lay Down Boundaries
- 38. You Could Finally Leave School!
- 39. When Do You Know You Are Emotionally Mature? 26 Signs of Emotional Maturity
- 40. How to Lengthen Your Life
- 41. We Only Learn If We Repeat
- 42. The Drive to Keep Growing Emotionally
- 43. On Bittersweet Memories
- 44. Small Triumphs of the Mentally Unwell
- 45. The Importance of Atonement
- 46. How To Be a Mummy's Boy
- 47. On Consolation
- 48. The Inner Idiot
- 49. The Dangers of the Good Child
- 50. Why None of Us are Really 'Sinners'
- 51. How We Need to Keep Growing Up
- 52. Are Humans Still Evolving?
- 53. On Losers – and Tragic Heroes
- 54. On the Serious Role of Stuffed Animals
- 55. Why Self-Help Books Matter
- 01. How We Can Feel Misunderstood – Without Ever Explaining Who We Are
- 02. Living Long Term With Mental Illness
- 03. Suffering From A Snobbery That Isn’t Ours
- 04. How to Recover the Plot
- 05. Why We Have Trouble Getting Back To Sleep
- 06. When, and Why, Do We Pick up Our Phones?
- 07. What is the Unconscious - and What Might Be Inside Yours?
- 08. Complete the Story – and Discover What's Really On Your mind
- 09. Complete the Sentence – and Find Out What's Really on Your Mind
- 10. The One Question You Need to Understand Who You Are
- 11. Six Fundamental Truths of Self-Awareness
- 12. Why Knowing Ourselves is Impossible – and Necessary
- 13. Making Friends with Your Unconscious
- 14. Do You Believe in Mind-Reading?
- 15. Questioning Our Conscience
- 16. A Bedtime Meditation
- 17. How to Figure Out What You Really, Really Think
- 18. Why You Should Keep a Journal
- 19. In Praise of Introspection
- 20. What Brain Scans Reveal About Our Minds
- 21. What is Mental Health?
- 22. The One Question You Need to Ask to Know Whether You're a Good Person
- 23. Eight Rules of The School of Life
- 24. No One Cares
- 25. The High Price We Pay for Our Fear of Being Alone
- 26. 5 Signs of Emotional Immaturity
- 27. On Knowing Who One Is
- 28. Why Self-Analysis Works
- 29. Knowing Things Intellectually vs. Knowing Them Emotionally
- 30. The Novel We Really Need To Read Next
- 31. Is Free Will or Determinism Correct?
- 32. Emotional Identity
- 33. Know Yourself — Socrates and How to Develop Self-Knowledge
- 34. Self-Knowledge Quiz
- 35. On Being Very Normal
- 01. Is There Something Wrong – or Am I Just a Very Miserable Person?
- 02. How History Can Explain Our Unhappiness
- 03. How Lonely Are You? A Test
- 04. The Wisdom of Tears
- 05. You Don't Always Need to Be Funny
- 06. On Suicide
- 07. You Have Permission to Be Miserable
- 08. The Pessimist's Guide to Mental Illness
- 09. Why Do Bad Things Always Happen to Me?
- 10. Why We Enjoy the Suffering of Others
- 11. The Tragedy of Birth
- 12. What Rothko's Art Teaches Us About Suffering
- 13. Our Tragic Condition
- 14. The Melancholy Charm of Lonely Travelling Places
- 15. Nostalgia for Religion
- 16. Parties and Melancholy
- 17. Why Very Beautiful Scenes Can Make Us So Melancholy
- 18. On Old Photos of Oneself
- 19. Are Intelligent People More Melancholic?
- 20. Strangers and Melancholy
- 21. On Post-Coital Melancholy
- 22. Sex and Melancholy
- 23. Astronomy and Melancholy
- 24. Nostalgia for the Womb
- 25. Melancholy and the Feeling of Being Superfluous
- 26. Pills & Melancholy
- 27. Melancholy: the best kind of Despair
- 28. On Melancholy
- 01. The Impulse to Sink Our Own Mood – and Return to Sadness and Worry
- 02. We Are Made of Moods
- 03. Why Sweet Things Make Us Cry
- 04. Overcoming Manic Moods
- 05. Learning to Feel What We Really Feel
- 06. Exercise When We're Feeling Mentally Unwell
- 07. Why You May Be Experiencing a Mental Midwinter
- 08. Living Long-Term with Mental Illness
- 09. The Role of Sleep in Mental Health
- 10. The Role of Pills in Mental Health
- 11. Mental Illness and Acceptance
- 12. Mental Illness and 'Reasons to Live'
- 13. Taming a Pitiless Inner Critic
- 14. Reasons to Give Up on Human Beings
- 15. The Window of Tolerance
- 16. On Realising One Might Be an Introvert
- 17. Our Right to be Miserable
- 18. How to Manage One's Moods
- 19. On Living in a More Light-Hearted Way
- 20. On Disliking Oneself
- 21. Of Course We Mess Up!
- 22. Learning to Listen to One's Own Boredom
- 23. On Depression
- 24. In Praise of the Melancholy Child
- 25. Why We May Be Angry Rather Than Sad
- 26. On Not Being in the Moment
- 27. 'Pure' OCD - and Intrusive Thoughts
- 28. Twenty Moods
- 29. How the Right Words Help Us to Feel the Right Things
- 30. The Secret Optimism of Angry People
- 31. On Feeling Depressed
- 32. The Difficulty of Being in the Present
- 33. On Being Out of Touch with One's Feelings
- 34. Our Secret Thoughts
- 35. The Psychology of Colour
- 36. On Self-Pity
- 37. On Irritability
- 38. On the Things that Make Adults Cry
- 39. On Anger
- 40. Detachment
- 01. Trust What You Knew Then, Not What You Feel Now
- 02. When It's Extremely Hard to Choose
- 03. On Those Ruined by Success
- 04. The Demand for Perfection in Love
- 05. The Secret Lives of Other Couples
- 06. How the Wrong Images of Love Can Ruin Our Lives
- 07. Self-Forgiveness
- 08. How Perfectionism Makes Us Ill
- 09. Reasons to Give Up on Perfection
- 10. Are My Expectations Too High?
- 11. Of Course We Mess Up!
- 12. Expectations - and the 80/20 Rule
- 13. Good Enough is Good Enough
- 14. The Perfectionist Trap
- 15. A Self-Compassion Exercise
- 16. On Perfectionism
- 01. What Does the Child in You Need Today?
- 02. Those of Us Who Need a War Zone
- 03. Why It Can Take Us So Long to Understand How Unwell We Are
- 04. Intergenerational Trauma
- 05. How the Unfinished Business of Childhood is Played Out in Relationships
- 06. How to Raise a Successful Person
- 07. Can Childhoods Really Matter So Much?
- 08. What Some Childhoods Don’t Allow You to Think
- 09. The Legacy of an Unloving Childhood
- 10. Why You Don’t Need a Very Bad Childhood to Have a Complicated Adulthood
- 11. When People Let Us Know What the World Has Done to Them
- 12. The Healing Power of Time
- 13. You Are Freer Than You Think
- 14. On Parenting Our Parents
- 15. Letting Go of Self-Protective Strategies
- 16. How to Tell If Someone Had a Difficult Childhood...
- 17. Childhood Matters, Unfortunately!
- 18. How Should We Define 'Mental Illness'?
- 19. Taking Childhood Seriously
- 20. Sympathy for Our Younger Selves
- 21. How Music Can Heal Us
- 22. What Your Body Reveals About Your Past
- 23. Why Adults Often Behave Like Children
- 24. How to Live Long-Term With Trauma
- 25. Should We Forgive Our Parents or Not?
- 26. Reparenting Your Inner Child
- 27. The Agonies of Shame
- 28. How Trauma Works
- 29. Why Abused Children End Up Hating Themselves
- 30. Why We Sometimes Feel Like Curling Up Into a Ball
- 31. How to Get Your Parents Out of Your Head
- 32. Why Parents Bully Their Children
- 33. On Projection
- 34. Self-Archaeology
- 35. It's Not Your Fault
- 36. If Our Parents Never Listened
- 37. Why Everything Relates to Your Childhood
- 38. Why Those Who Should Love Us Can Hurt Us
- 39. The Upsides of Having a Mental Breakdown
- 40. How Perfectionism Makes Us Ill
- 41. How We Should Have Been Loved
- 42. Self-Hatred and High-Achievement
- 43. A Self-Hatred Audit
- 44. How Mental Illness Impacts Our Bodies
- 45. Two Reasons Why People End up Parenting Badly
- 46. What is Emotional Neglect?
- 47. How Unloving Parents can Generate Self-Hating Children
- 48. How Mental Illness Closes Down Our Minds
- 49. Trauma and EMDR Therapy
- 50. How to Fight off Your Inner Critic
- 51. The One Subject You Really Need to Study: Your Own Childhood
- 52. Sharing Our Early Wounds
- 53. Trauma and How to Overcome It
- 54. Why We're All Messed Up By Our Childhoods
- 55. The Golden Child Syndrome
- 56. The Importance of Being an Unhappy Teenager
- 57. How We Get Damaged by Emotional Neglect
- 58. The Secrets of a Privileged Childhood
- 59. What We Owe to the People Who Loved Us in Childhood
- 60. Criticism When You've Had a Bad Childhood
- 61. On Suffering in Silence
- 62. How a Messed up Childhood Affects You in Adulthood
- 63. Daddy Issues
- 64. The Non-Rewritable Disc: the Fateful Impact of Childhood
- 65. On the Longing for Maternal Tenderness
- 01. The Need for Processing
- 02. The Subtle Art of Not Listening to People Too Closely
- 03. The Art of Good Listening
- 04. Becoming More Interesting
- 05. In Praise of Small Chats With Strangers
- 06. Why We Should Listen Rather Than Reassure
- 07. How We Can Hurt Without Thinking
- 08. Leaning in to Vulnerability
- 09. How to Become Someone People Will Confide in
- 10. How To Write An Effective Thank You Letter
- 11. How to Be a Good Listener
- 12. How to Comment Online
- 13. Listening as Editing
- 14. The Importance of Flattery
- 15. How to Narrate Your Life Story
- 16. The Art of Listening
- 17. How to Narrate Your Dreams
- 18. How to Talk About Yourself
- 19. Communication
- 20. How to Be a Good Teacher
- 21. On How to Disagree
- 22. On the Art of Conversation
- 01. Why Introverts Are As They Are
- 02. On Feeling Painfully Different
- 03. Abandoning Hope
- 04. How to Leave a Party
- 05. On Becoming a Hermit
- 06. How to Have a Renaissance
- 07. Think Like an Aristocrat
- 08. Van Gogh's Neglected Genius
- 09. How to Be Quietly Confident
- 10. How to Live Like an Exile
- 11. How to Cope With Bullying
- 12. Stop Being So Nice
- 13. The Origins of Shyness
- 14. On Friendliness to Strangers
- 15. What to Do at Parties If You Hate Small Talk
- 16. How to Approach Strangers at A Party
- 17. How to Be Comfortable on Your Own in Public
- 18. Akrasia - or Why We Don't Do What We Believe
- 19. Why We Think So Much about Our Hair
- 20. Aphorisms on Confidence
- 21. How Knowledge of Difficulties Lends Confidence
- 22. How Thinking You’re an Idiot Lends Confidence
- 23. How to Overcome Shyness
- 24. The Mind-Body Problem
- 25. The Impostor Syndrome
- 26. On the Origins of Confidence
- 27. Self-Esteem
- 28. On Confidence
- 29. On Not Liking the Way One Looks
- 01. The Challenges of Male Friendships
- 02. The Need for Processing
- 03. Why Losers Make the Best Friends
- 04. Our Very Best Friends
- 05. The Difficulties of Oversharing
- 06. Is It OK to Outgrow Our Friends?
- 07. Why Everyone We Meet is a Little Bit Lonely
- 08. On 'Complicated' Friendships
- 09. The Friend Who Can Tease Us
- 10. Don't Be Too Normal If You Want to Make Friends
- 11. The Forgotten Art of Making Friends
- 12. The Friend Who Balances Us
- 13. The Purpose of Friendship
- 14. Why the Best Kind of Friends Are Lonely
- 15. How to Lose Friends
- 16. Why Misfits Make Great Friends
- 17. How to Handle an Envious Friend
- 18. Loneliness as a Sign of Depth
- 19. Companionship and Mental Health
- 20. How Often Do We Need to Go to Parties?
- 21. Virtual Dinners: Conversation Menus
- 22. The Cleaning Party
- 23. On Talking Horizontally
- 24. Dinner Table Orchestra
- 25. On Sofa Jumping
- 26. On Studying Someone Else's Hands
- 27. What Women and Men May Learn from One Another When They are Just Friends
- 28. How to Say 'I Love You' to a Friend
- 29. How to End a Friendship
- 30. What Can Stop the Loneliness?
- 31. Why Men Are So Bad at Friendship
- 32. What Would An Ideal Friend Be Like?
- 33. 'Couldn't We Just Be Friends?'
- 34. On Acquiring an Enemy
- 35. Why Old Friends Matter
- 36. Why Not to Panic about Enemies
- 37. What Is the Purpose of Friendship?
- 38. Friendship and Vulnerability
- 39. On Socks and Friendship
- 40. The Teasing of Old Friends
- 01. The Need – Sometimes – Not to Complain
- 02. The Boring Person
- 03. The Loveliest People in the World
- 04. The Life Saving Role of Small Chats
- 05. The Origins of Shifty People
- 06. The Many Faults of Other People
- 07. Why Nice People Give Us the 'Ick'
- 08. How to Become a More Interesting Person
- 09. The Challenges of Hugging
- 10. Dale Carnegie — How to Win Friends and Influence People
- 11. The Origins of People Pleasing
- 12. The Eyes of Love
- 13. Kindness Isn't Weakness
- 14. Why We're All Capable of Damaging Others
- 15. Rembrandt as a Guide to Kindness
- 16. What Love Really Is – and Why It Matters
- 17. The Need for Kindness
- 18. 6 Reasons Not to Worry What the Neighbours Think
- 19. What to Do When a Stranger Annoys You
- 20. How to Choose A Good Present
- 21. How to Be a Good Guest
- 22. How To Make People Feel Good about Themselves
- 23. How To Tell When You Are Being A Bore
- 24. What Is Empathy?
- 25. How Not to Rant
- 26. How Not to Be Boring
- 27. On Eggs and Compassion
- 28. How to Become an Adult
- 29. People-Pleasing: and How to Overcome It
- 30. Why Truly Sociable People Hate Parties
- 31. How to Be Diplomatic
- 32. Sane Insanity
- 33. Charity of Interpretation
- 34. How to Be a Good Teacher
- 35. The Solution to Clumsiness
- 36. How to Be a Man
- 37. Political Correctness vs. Politeness
- 38. Aphorisms on Kindness
- 39. Why We Don’t Really Want to Be Nice
- 40. The Charm of Vulnerability
- 41. The Ultimate Test of Your Social Skills
- 42. How to Be Open-Minded
- 43. Why Kind People Always Lie
- 44. How to Be Warm
- 45. The Problem of Over-Friendliness
- 46. How to Forgive
- 47. Why We’re Fated to Be Lonely (But That’s OK)
- 48. How to Cope with Snobbery
- 49. On Charm
- 50. On Being Kind
- 51. On Gratitude
- 52. On Forgiveness
- 53. On Charity
- 54. On Wisdom
- 01. How to Fire Someone
- 02. Diplomacy at the Office
- 03. How to Tell a Colleague Their Breath Smells
- 04. How to Screw Up at Work
- 05. In Praise of Teamwork
- 06. How to Become an Entrepreneur
- 07. The Need for Eloquence
- 08. The Nature and Causes of Procrastination
- 09. In Praise of Networking
- 10. Why Creativity is Too Important to Be Left to Artists
- 11. How to Survive Bureaucracy
- 12. Machismo and Management
- 13. What Art Can Teach Business About Being Fussy
- 14. On Novelists and Manuals
- 15. How Not to Let Work Explode Your Life
- 16. How to Sell
- 17. Innovation, Empathy and Introspection
- 18. Innovation and Creativity
- 19. Innovation and Science Fiction
- 20. The Acceptance of Change
- 21. The Collaborative Virtues
- 22. Towards Better Collaboration
- 23. How To Make Efficiency a Habit
- 24. On Raising the Prestige of 'Details'
- 25. Monasticism & How to Avoid Distraction
- 26. How to Dare to Begin
- 27. On Meaning – and Motivation
- 28. The Psychological Obstacles Holding Employees Back
- 29. On Feedback
- 30. How to Better Understand Customers
- 31. On Bounded and Unbounded Tasks
- 01. What Should Truly Motivate Us at Work
- 02. Nature as a Cure for the Sickness of Modern Times
- 03. The Difficulties of Work-Life Balance
- 04. The Challenges of Modernity
- 05. Businesses for Love; Businesses for Money
- 06. Countries for Losers; Countries for Winners
- 07. Towards a Solution to Inequality
- 08. Free Trade - or Protectionism?
- 09. Should We Work on Ourselves - or on the World?
- 10. Why Is There Unemployment?
- 11. Artists and Supermarket Tycoons
- 12. Business and the Arts
- 13. Sentimentality in Art - and Business
- 14. How to Make a Country Rich
- 15. First World Problems
- 16. On Devotion to Corporations
- 17. Good vs Classical Economics
- 18. What Is a Good Brand?
- 19. Good Economic Measures: Beyond GDP
- 20. What Good Business Should Be
- 21. On the Faultiness of Our Economic Indicators
- 22. On the Dawn of Capitalism
- 23. Utopian Capitalism
- 24. On Philanthropy
- 01. Why Do We Work So Hard?
- 02. On Eating a Friend
- 03. Is the Modern World Too 'Materialistic'?
- 04. On Consumer Capitalism
- 05. How to Choose the Perfect Gift
- 06. The Importance of Maslow's Pyramid of Needs
- 07. How to Live More Wisely Around Our Phones
- 08. Money and 'Higher Things'
- 09. Why We Are All Addicts
- 10. Why We Are So Bad at Shopping
- 11. Business and the Ladder of Needs
- 12. Consumer Self-Knowledge
- 13. "Giving Customers What They Want"
- 14. The Entrepreneur and the Artist
- 15. What Advertising Can Learn from Art
- 16. What the Luxury Sector Does for Us
- 17. On Using Sex to Sell
- 18. Understanding Brand Promises
- 19. Consumer Education: On Learning How to Spend
- 20. Good Materialism
- 21. Why We Hate Cheap Things
- 22. Why We Continue to Love Expensive Things
- 23. Why Advertising Is so Annoying - but Doesn't Have to Be
- 24. On Good Demand
- 25. On Consumption and Status Anxiety
- 26. On the Responsibility of the Consumer
- 27. Adverts Know What We Want - They Just Can't Sell It to us
- 28. On the True Desires of the Rich
- 01. How to Be Original
- 02. When Are We Truly Productive?
- 03. The Importance of the Siesta
- 04. Career Therapy
- 05. On Meritocracy
- 06. The Vocation Myth
- 07. The Good Sides of Work
- 08. The Good Office
- 09. The EQ Office
- 10. Good Salaries: What We Earn - and What We’re Worth
- 11. What Good Business Should Be
- 12. On the Pleasures of Work
- 01. How Does An Emotionally Healthy Person Relate To Their Career?
- 02. The Concept of Voluntary Poverty
- 03. The Dangers of Having Too Little To Do
- 04. How Could a Working Life Be Meaningful?
- 05. On Learning to Live Deeply Rather than Broadly
- 06. What They Forget to Teach You at School
- 07. Authentic Work
- 08. Why We Need to Work
- 09. How We Came to Desire a Job We Could Love
- 10. Why Work Is So Much Easier than Love
- 11. Work and Maturity
- 12. How Your Job Shapes Your Identity
- 13. Authentic Work
- 01. Do We Need to Read the News?
- 02. On Gossip
- 03. How the Media Damages Our Faith in Humanity
- 04. Why We Secretly Love Bad News
- 05. Celebrity Crushes
- 06. On Switching Off the News
- 07. We've Been Here Before
- 08. In Praise of Bias
- 09. The News from Without - and the News from Within
- 10. History as a Corrective to News
- 11. Emotional Technology
- 12. What's Wrong with the Media
- 13. On the Dangers of the Internet
- 14. On Taking Digital Sabbaths
- 15. On the Role of Censorship
- 16. On the Role of Disasters
- 17. On the Role of Art in News
- 18. Tragedies and Ordinary Lives in the Media
- 19. On the Failures of Economic News
- 20. On Health News
- 21. What State Broadcasters Should Do
- 22. On the Role of Cheerful News
- 23. On News and Kindness
- 24. On Maniacs and Murderers
- 01. The United States and Happiness
- 02. Political Emotional Maturity
- 03. On Feeling Offended
- 04. A Guide to Good Nationalism
- 05. Why We Do - After All - Care about Politics
- 06. Why Socrates Hated Democracy
- 07. The Fragility of Good Government
- 08. Romantic vs. Classical Voters
- 09. Africa after Independence
- 01. Should I Follow My Dreams?
- 02. How to Retire Early
- 03. The Agonies of Choice
- 04. The Creative Itch
- 05. Broadening the Job Search
- 06. Our Families and Our Careers
- 07. The Challenges of Choosing a Career
- 08. On Career Crises
- 09. The Output/Input Confusion
- 10. Finding a Mission
- 11. How to Serve
- 12. Why Work-Life Balance is an Illusion
- 13. On Gratitude – and Motivation
- 14. How to Find Fulfilling Work
- 15. On the Origins of Motivation at Work
- 16. On Becoming an Entrepreneur
- 17. On Being an Unemployed Arts Graduate
- 01. On Small Talk at the Office
- 02. On Falling Apart at the Office
- 03. The Sorrows of Competition
- 04. What Is That Sunday Evening Feeling?
- 05. How Parents Get in the Way of Our Career Plans
- 06. Why Modern Work Is So Boring
- 07. Why Pessimism is the Key to Good Government
- 08. The Sorrows of Colleagues
- 09. The Sorrows of Commercialisation
- 10. The Sorrows of Standardisation
- 11. Confidence in the System
- 12. Job Monogamy
- 13. The Duty Trap
- 14. The Perfectionist Trap
- 15. On Professional Failure
- 16. Nasty Businesses
- 17. The Job Investment Trap
- 18. How Your Job Shapes Your Identity
- 19. The Pains of Leadership
- 20. Would It Be Better for Your Job If You Were Celibate?
- 21. On Stress and Inner Voices
- 22. On Being Wary of Simple-Looking Issues
- 23. On Commuting
- 24. On the Sorrows of Work
- 25. On Misemployment
- 26. On Guilt-trips and Charm
- 01. The Dangers of People Who Have Been to Boarding School
- 02. Giving Up on Being Special
- 03. The Problem with Individualism
- 04. Winners and Losers in the Race of Life
- 05. Being on the Receiving End of Pity
- 06. Shakespeare: 'When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state...'
- 07. Overcoming the Need to Be Exceptional
- 08. On the Loss of Reputation
- 09. The Secret Sorrows of Over-Achievers
- 10. You Are Not What You Earn
- 11. Artistic Philanthropy
- 12. The Need to Keep Believing in Luck
- 13. On Glamour
- 14. The Incumbent Problem
- 15. How to Cope with Snobbery
- 16. On the Dangers of Success
- 17. On Doing Better Than Our Parents
- 18. Success at School vs. Success in Life
- 19. Why We Look Down on People Who Don’t Earn Very Much
- 20. What Is 'Success'?
- 21. On Children and Power
- 22. On Pleasure in the Downfall of the Mighty
- 23. On Status and Democracy
- 24. On Failure and Success in the Game of Fame
- 25. On Envy
- 26. A Philosophical Exercise for Envy
- 27. On the Envy of Politicians
- 28. On Consumption and Status Anxiety
- 29. On the Desire for Fame
- 30. On Fame and Sibling Rivalry
- 01. Why Humanity Destroyed Itself
- 02. How Science Could - at Last - Properly Replace Religion
- 03. Our Forgotten Craving for Community
- 04. Why isn't the Future here yet?
- 05. On Changing the World
- 06. What Community Centres Should Be Like
- 07. The Importance of Utopian Thinking
- 08. Art is Advertising for What We Really Need
- 09. Why the World Stands Ready to Be Changed
- 10. On the Desire to Change the World
- 11. Utopian Collective Pride
- 12. Envy of a Utopian Future
- 13. Utopian Artificial Intelligence
- 14. Utopian Education
- 15. Utopian Marriage
- 16. Utopian Film
- 17. Utopian Culture
- 18. Utopian Festivals
- 19. Utopian Business Consultancy
- 20. Utopian Capitalism
- 21. Utopian Government
- 22. Utopian Media
- 23. Utopian Tax
- 24. Utopian Celebrity Culture
- 25. The Future of the Banking Industry
- 26. The Future of the Communications Industry
- 27. The Future of the Hotel Industry
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