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Relationships • Conflicts

On How to Defuse an Argument

The simplest way to defuse your partner’s fury is not to tell them to calm down or to use the occasion to bring up another argument, but to offer a genuine apology (they’re always free). In the heat of an argument, remember that they’re not ‘nasty’, but hurt and vulnerable and that, at times, we too have been impossible.

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The Psychology of Anxious Attachment

Relationships

The Psychology of Anxious Attachment

We might expect that the most natural response to being told by a kind, patient and attractive person that they…

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The Psychology of Avoidance

Relationships

The Psychology of Avoidance

One of the most perplexing of all our behaviours is our tendency – in relationships – to flee from the…

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Changing Yourself Rather Than Trying to Change Your Partner

Relationships

Changing Yourself Rather Than Trying to Change Your Partner

We know – of course – that they urgently need changing. Where do we start with the problems? They are…

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A Chance to Be Bad in Relationships

Relationships

A Chance to Be Bad in Relationships

It sounds odd to suggest that one of the things we may most long for, and in a sense even…

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Four Kinds of Sexual Deviancy and What They Really Mean

Relationships

Four Kinds of Sexual Deviancy and What They Really Mean

We don’t typically imagine that sexual deviants have very much to teach us about anything. We tend to read of…

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When One Person Has to Be Needy so the Other Can Feel Invulnerable

Relationships

When One Person Has to Be Needy so the Other Can Feel Invulnerable

Sometimes, without anything being explicitly said, couples come to certain remarkably awkward and sinister agreements between them about who might…

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